screen free week: letterboxing

As I mentioned yesterday, we're celebrating Screen-Free Week at Naiya's Waldorf school.  It's a bit odd actually since one of the tenets of early childhood Waldorf education is to maintain an almost completely screen-free environment for all the children.  Like us, many families have exposed their kids to little or no tv, movies, computer screens, video games, ipads or cell phones and likely won't until they're 9 or 10. 
Yup, we're those people.  
Feel free to run screaming from our nuttiness at any time you choose.
There are folks at our school for whom being screen-free isn't a regular practice however.  A lot of them are new to Waldorf education or just struggle with (or oppose) the concept for various reasons.  Since we've not had screens in out daughter's life from the beginning and we're not big screen folks ourselves (other than internet usage and blogging :), having a young child who doesn't watch movies, tv or use a smart phone for anything is pretty easy for us.  (I think it's a lot harder if screens have previously been in your life and then you try to give them up.  Kuddos to all those struggling with that transition!)  We don't really miss screens and spend a lot of time making crafts, telling stories, gardening, doing chores and exploring nature.  Others struggle though to reduce screen-time or to understand why they should.  It can be hard to wrap your head around.  That's why we're sharing information and ideas by celebrating this campaign, and today we're hosting a play date to help inspire families to enjoy the out of doors (a fantastic way to replace screen time) in new and interesting ways.

About two years ago our family discovered Letterboxing and that has become a big part of our  outdoor family time. 

But what IS Letterboxing you ask?

For those unfamiliar with this fun and interesting pastime, Letterboxing is an intriguing outdoor hobby combining elements of art, puzzle solving, orienteering and exploring and is great fun for children and adults alike.  It originated in the 1850's in England but has morphed over the centuries into a worldwide, more modern sort of game wherein seekers follow clues (found on various websites, through local clubs or discovered by word of mouth) to find small, waterproof boxes hidden in public places. 

Each box contains a logbook and rubber stamp and explorers likewise carry a stamp and logbook when out on a quest.  When a letterbox is discovered, finders make an imprint of the letterbox's stamp in their book and leave their personal impression, the date and perhaps a small note in the letterbox's visitor's book. The rubber stamps are most often hand carved and can be amazingly intricate and beautiful.  The clues range from very straightforward directions telling one exactly where to go to complicated puzzles or riddles that offer only vague inferences to a box’s locale.

It’s like a treasure hunt where the treasure is both taken and left behind!  (It’s also a little like geocaching if you’ve heard of that but with more artistic flair and no plastic trinkets.)  It’s also a great way to find beautiful places when on a road trip or visiting out-of-town relatives or friends.

For our Screen-Free Week play date, we planted three letterboxes in a local park and handed out logbooks, stamps (store bought) and clues to those who came to join us for the day.  We'll not post those clues here since we pulled them after the event but for those interested in trying out letterboxing in your local community we'd suggest checking out the Atlasquest or Letterboxing North America websites.  Both are filled with tutorials, tips and thousands of clues to boxes hidden all over the world.  There's probably a letterbox near you!  (If not, maybe you can plant one!)  Why not join the letterbox community and enjoy some great screen-free fun?

lent

(This time around, I'm just re-publishing my Lenten post of last year because, you know, sometimes I'm a little busy...)

 “No, we’re not Catholic,” we tell our friends, “but, it’s true, we often observe Lent.”  Some people think this is kind of nuts.  Admittedly, it seems odd, but I was reading this article on the science of self denial by Jeffrey Kluger of Time today and I feel like it offered some insight into why the observance of holidays like Lent can be beneficial for those of both the religious and secular persuasions (and to some degree explains why we have taken to observing it ourselves.)   It was about how this season is not only one of spiritual penance, piety, and submission but also one which leads to the development of impulse control and, ultimately, can lead to greater self confidence and even increased happiness.  Kluger writes:

When it comes to good-time holidays, Lent does not rank very high. Nor do Ramadan or Yom Kippur, of course, and no wonder. They are all about saying no to something (or many things) you love. Where's the egg nog and holiday joy in all that? But we observe these less-than-festive celebrations all the same -- and we have good reason to do so. There are hidden benefits to so much ritualized self-denial...

   Lent has traditionally been a time of penance and abstention, a time to contemplate the sufferings and temptations of Christ as he fasted for forty days in the wilderness.  Historically, this was a time when certain Christians removed all animal flesh, dairy and eggs from their diets and gave renewed focus to prayer and charity. 

   Neither Ryan or I grew up observing this kind of asceticism, but there’s something about the Lenten season that has always appealed to us.  It’s the focus on temperance and self sacrifice and the turning inward toward contemplation and stillness that just seems appropriate for this time of year.  (Also, my willpower could really use a whole season dedicated to its strengthening any time.)

Every time an observer of Lent craves -- and resists the lure of -- a forbidden indulgence is a tiny reminder of a commitment made...  Neurologists and behavioral psychologists generally think of willpower as what's known as "domain general," which means that the more you practice it to control one behavior -- say, overeating -- the more it starts to apply itself to other parts of your life like exercising more or drinking less...

   Additionally, there’s something in knowing that there is a whole community of folks out there struggling to strengthen their will with me.  Through the experience of abstention, I think, we all come to foster gratitude for the plenty that we regularly enjoy.  With our modern culture’s tendency toward overindulgence, many of us live in varying states of excess, almost always giving in to our impulses.  We’re quite attached to food, drink, media, comfort, pretty things and modern conveniences of every kind.  It’s easy to forget that all over the world (and even in our own local communities) people struggle just to survive.  Giving a vice or a pleasure up by choice, it seems to me, helps to strengthen something within us and also connects us, in a small way, to the greater community in which we live.  

   For the children in our lives (who are forever living in a world of imitation), I think the Lenten mood helps cultivate a feeling of reverence and gratitude as well.  Who doesn't need more of that, right?  Despite religious affiliations (or lack thereof), maybe it's not so strange that folks embrace this season of sacrifice and all it has to offer. 

   "Happy Lent" surely isn't the proper salutation here but... I'd like to wish that the spirit of this season rests untroubled in your hearts.  Happy renunciation to all?   

snow

We hadn't made it up to the snow before Christmas or even during our holiday break so, since the fluffy stuff seems to be holding back from falling in our fair city this winter, we took a trip up to the mountain last weekend.  Lots of shade (bad light, terrible photographs) and a surprisingly warm day.  Naiya wasn't so much interested in the sledding we had planned but she did enjoy digging a number of holes and sitting in them.  Ah, the pleasures of childhood. 

We told her as we walked down, down, down hill on the trail to Trillium Lake (which we didn't reach) that we weren't going to carry her back up.  That was fine with her, she replied, as she raced ahead of us pulling our little sled loaded with jackets we had shed in the warmth of the afternoon.  Of course, we did end up hauling her back up hill in the sled.  (Read bad parenting.)  Both Ryan and I agreed, however, that this was, by far, the easiest way we have ever had to transport her on a hike she didn't wish to finish. 

she loves me so much

Sometimes my daughter comes up with some really creative (and sometimes amazingly endearing) things to do or say to avoid going to bed at night.  About an hour after I tucked her in this evening, she called to me as I was doing the dinner dishes.  I walked her back to her room and tucked her in. 

"Mommy, I love you so much that I could kiss you for my entire life'" she told me as she grabbed me and gave me a giant hug and kiss.  "...although I don't think that I'm gonna," she added, "...what if I have to pee?"

we've got a wiggler

Of the dental variety that is.  It came as a shock to me that Naiya has her first loose tooth!  I generally think of seven as "the change of teeth" and here we are with a wee five and three quarter year old with one bottom tooth a wigglin'.  I told her to stop messing with it (secretly hoping that the thing would maybe harden back into her gums). 
I'm not ready for the loosing of teeth.  (Am I the only one finding this aging of my child so disconcerting?)
My baby girl is growing up.

the (holy-smoke-why-haven't-we-had-one-all-along?) sand box

For a number of years Ryan and I thought about, discussed and ultimately rejected the idea of a sandbox.  Mostly we just couldn't figure out where to place it in our rather small back yard.  Ryan thought it would make a mess and both of us were concerned about the cats (seeing as how cats like sandboxes for activities other than playing).

I kept reading about the benefits of sand play though and, at school, Naiya spends a lot of time in the sand area coming up with really imaginative scenarios and games.  Finally I decided to let go of grandiose plans for a hand made sand area and, embracing our space limitations (and cat concerns), we just put out the little covered plastic sandbox (that we used as a baby pool and has been in our garage for years) onto a corner of our cement patio.

When on the first day Naiya played in the thing for FOUR HOURS, I had to wonder why on earth we waited so long.  I had put a barn, tractor and some horses in there and placed some buckets and tools to the side in case she had creative plans of her own.  Oh my, did she!  That little space transformed and entertained like I would never have imagined.

On our way to school the next day she asked if I would change the contents of the box.  I figured if that's what would inspire her to play outdoors, BY HERSELF for FOUR HOURS (are you sensing my incredulity?) on her own, I could absolutely change it up for a little inspiration.

I think dinosaur day has been my favorite so far.

By request, I've altered the theme of the box each day.  Not every afternoon of play has lasted for four hours, but for an entire week now she has run to that box after school and enjoyed some really innovative play time.

Cooking/baking day got rather elaborate and a little messy.

 Castle/dragon/princess day fell on the weekend and made for a merry morning but was interrupted by family time.

Roads and cars day was very active and was reconstructed into numerous configurations.

(I think that was Ryan's favorite.)

 On train day even the garden gnomes came to play.

We've had so much fun in the sand and have even found some uses for the lid!  (A few winters back Ryan tied a rope to it and pulled Naiya down our snowy street.)  This week it also served as a boat...

...and a teeter-totter.  (In addition to the life jacket perhaps I ought to have given her a helmet?)

I can't express enough what a great amendment to our ordinary play the sandbox has been.  We do have to keep a close eye on the cats and cover it if we walk away for even a minute, but no other single toy has inspired our little one for so long and in so many ways as this one simple box of gravel.

things you need (or really don't) for kids

   I started reading blogs when I was a new parent.  I often felt like I didn't know what I was doing, was unsure of what my child needed (mostly in terms of material things) and, having never really been around small children, I was always wondering what would come next and the developmentally appropriate timing of her growth and movement as well as her emotional reactions and thought processes.

   The blogs I found were helpful and encouraging in so many ways.  In great part because I found that others were just as baffled and confused by these tiny beings they cared for so deeply (but, like me, just kept them thriving with basic intuition and all the love they had to give).  What the blogs also offered were some fundamentally simple approaches to trusting my own instincts and simplifying our entire lives.

   Over time, I felt released from the need to purchase all the paraphernalia the warehouse baby stores wanted to sell us and embraced the natural world as the wonderful play thing, teaching tool and provider that it is.  Our toys were stones and pine cones, leaves and sticks.  Our daughter also loves jar lids, pots and pans and all manner of wonderful objects that already existed in our home.  She used dishes we already had, clothes that were handed down and, for the most part, we made due with the plethora of appliances and whatnot that we already owned.  Children don't need much specialized equipment or toys to thrive I discovered. 

   Occasionally though, some item - a product we buy or something we make (like the work stand my dad built) will strike me as a valuable "thing" to have for a child at home.  Of course, for thousands of years people have done without these Things and certainly we'd survive just fine without them as well.  But they make our lives a little easier and, in this particular case, this object made a developmental leap rather enjoyable for both child and parents. 

   We've had this for over three years and I don't know why I've not mentioned it before.  We're actually at the point where we hardly use it anymore and are thinking of getting rid of it.  Perhaps that's what prompted me to share.  Yes friends... after that long rambling intro, the fabulous Thing I so want to make my personal contribution to the blogosphere with is... a Toilet Seat!

Once Naiya was able to use a step stool to climb onto our own toilet, we found this very convenient and rather attractive (compared to the character- laden plastic padded alternatives) built-in child's toilet seat.
It has that smaller opening that keeps her from falling in but is permanently attached so it never wandered out of the room to act as a rather unsanitary queen's crown or other imagined play thing.  It's easy to clean, doesn't take up any space and just looks like it belongs.

This particular model is made by Bemis and we got ours at Home Depot for around twenty bucks.  (I'm sure there are other brands and models based on the same concept.)

It's one of those innovative things I would never have thought we needed, but, man, I totally dig it and it has been an inspiration to many of our friends with children at home as well.

tea time

   As a part of our daily rhythm we have tea time each day in the afternoon.  Our meals and snacks are the anchors of our day and when the planned story-times, outdoor adventures, crafts and special activities slip through the cracks (which is frequently I must say), the moments when we sit down to eat together remain the regular beats in the pulse of our lives.

   Tea time, which falls between lunch and dinner, is Naiya's favorite.  It differs from all of our other meals in that it always takes place on the floor, picnic style.  We have a special cloth that we sit upon and we serve our tea from a sweet little kettle.  We usually also indulge in a small snack of fruit, veggies, toast or crackers.  (Sometimes we even have a muffin or, dare I confess, some cookie nibblets.) 

 

   We've been having tea time for so long, it's a wonder my little one is still so delighted each time we lay out our afternoon spread.  Maybe it's the special place or the promise of dainty serving dishes and cups.  Mostly, I think that she just loves the name.

vocabulary bombs

"Mommy, can we play bomb cellar?" Naiya just asked me.
I'm a little taken aback by this question.  Where on earth did she hear about bomb cellars?  I fear someone has been telling her frightening stories.  Maybe, as is often the case, she just overheard someone talking and so is trying out some new vocabulary.
"How do we play that?" I ask, worried about where this is going.
She looks at me a if I'm a bit dim witted.  "I'll go get the balm," she replies, "and you be the seller." 
"Oh," I dumbly respond as she runs in the next room for her lip balm collection.

the earth's population is actually slightly more than 50% female

   When Naiya was just a baby and I read books to her more for my own entertainment than for her edification, I began to notice the lack of girls (or female characters, animal, person or otherwise) in children’s literature.  At first I thought it must just be my particular selection of books, but as our library expanded and I made a concerted effort to acquire stories about or including female characters, I discovered that the deficiency was pervasive.  Dare I say that the omissions began to feel sinister?  I couldn’t believe that the choice of the masculine pronoun for almost every animal that wasn’t a mother and nearly every character who played an active role in the advancement of the simplest plot was intentional by the authors of even the most beautiful of stories. 
   Of course, it is part of our language to refer to the unknown in the masculine.  I hadn’t reflected upon it much before, but I soon began to notice that every bird, squirrel, spider, slug and cat we saw as we encountered them on various walks and hikes around our neighborhood were referred to, almost without exception, as “he” or “him” by all of the adults present, including myself.  No one gave it a second thought.
   Out of curiosity, I began charting the books we owned as well as those I checked out from the library.  This wasn’t a scientifically random study or anything, but I found that for every female in children’s literature, there were, on average, two to three male characters sharing the pages with her.  If the roles of mothers and grandmothers were excluded from the female list, that number doubled!
   So what does this mean (if it means anything at all)?  The more I considered it, the more profound and important it began to seem. 
   Children learn by imitation.  This is a basic tenet of modern psychology and an important part of Waldorf education.  Children learn and grow by imitating the adults in their environment that they love and respect.  (They likewise, but to a lesser degree, imitate their friends and siblings and any person who randomly makes a strong impression upon them.)  The cultural knowledge and behavior of children also comes from the activities and impressions that influence them on a daily basis.  Books and stories, for many children, are an integral part of modeling morality, basic behavior and gender roles. So what happens consciously and unconsciously, especially for small girls, when they are so under-represented in the books they read and love?
  As I started researching this topic, I came across this article by Manjari Singh (which can be read in full here):

Numerous studies analyzing children's literature find the majority of books dominated by male figures. For example, Ernst (1995) did an analysis of titles of children's books and found male names represented nearly twice as often as female names. She also found that even books with female or gender-neutral names in their titles in fact, frequently revolve around a male character. Many classics and popular stories where girls are portrayed usually reflect stereotypes of masculine and feminine roles. Such gender stereotypes are prevalent not only in mainstream children's books but also in Newbery and Caldecott medal winners. Children's books frequently portray girls as acted upon rather than active (Fox, 1993). Girls are represented as sweet, naive, conforming, and dependent, while boys are typically described as strong, adventurous, independent, and capable (Ernst, 1995; Jett-Simpson & Masland, 1993). Boys tend to have roles as fighters, adventurers and rescuers, while girls in their passive role tend to be caretakers, mothers, princesses in need of rescuing, and characters that support the male figure (Temple, 1993). Often, girl characters achieve their goals because others help them, whereas boys do so because they demonstrate ingenuity and/or perseverance. If females are initially represented as active and assertive, they are often portrayed in a passive light toward the end of the story. Girl characters who retain their active qualities are clearly the exception (Rudman, 1995). Thus, studies indicate that not only are girls portrayed less often than boys in children's books, but both genders are frequently presented in stereotypical terms as well.

Many researchers and authors argue that readers identify with characters of their own gender in books. Therefore, the relative lack of girl characters in texts can limit the opportunity for girls to identify with their gender and to validate their place in society.

The manner in which genders are represented in children's literature impacts children's attitudes and perceptions of gender-appropriate behavior in society. Sexism in literature can be so insidious that it quietly conditions boys and girls to accept the way they 'see and read the world,' thus reinforcing gender images (Fox, 1993). This reinforcement predisposes children to not question existing social relationships. At the same time, however, books containing images that conflict with gender stereotypes provide children the opportunity to re-examine their gender beliefs and assumptions. Thus, texts can provide children with alternative role models and inspire them to adopt more egalitarian gender attitudes.

Gender stereotypical roles are constraining to both genders. Just as girls are trapped in passive and whiny roles, boys and men are rarely described as people demonstrating emotions of sadness and fear, having hobbies/occupations that are not stereotypically male and in roles where they aren't competing or meeting high expectations. These stereotypes limit boys' and girls' freedom to express themselves (Fox, 1993; Rudman, 1995) and pressure them to behave in ways that are 'gender appropriate' rather than ways best suited to their personality.

   There is much that I do to ensure that my daughter grows up in an environment of freedom.  The way we play, the way we create, the absence of media and adult influences in her life are all a part of just allowing her to become herself without many external dictates.  These days when I tell stories or perform puppet shows for Naiya, nearly all the characters are female.  Likewise, when I refer to critters and furry friends we spot on our outdoor adventures, they’re all “she” or “her”.  (Since everyone else pretty much exclusively uses the masculine pronouns I figure together we’re creating a balance that is more accurate.)  What though of our love of books?  It’s not that this issue hasn’t been addressed.  We have come across a number of really great collections of tales of powerful, mischievous, adventurous girls and women (though these are mostly for older children).  But they are certainly the exception and they’re marketed as just what they are.  What hasn’t really shifted is just a general inclusion (without specific marketed mention) of more girls (and more bold and active girls) in mainstream little stories.  Even our favorite nighttime reading (written by a wonderful Waldorf teacher) contains the ratio of feminine to masculine characters I mentioned above. 
   I’m not sure what to do with this knowledge.  I have mentioned these statistics to friends of mine and nearly everyone is surprised at their own unconscious creation of a world that is inaccurately 70 - 80% male.  I guess I’d just like to spread a bit of awareness.  Perhaps together, we’ll alter our biases just a little at a time and, in so doing, help our daughters (and sons) see and live in a world less shackled by our own limiting vision.

alternate reality

It's like I'm living in some alternative world.

I don't know exactly how this occurred but as I was putting away dishes and making myself a cup of coffee just now, Naiya came in for second breakfast.  Only this time she didn't say, "Mommy, I'm hungry...what can I have?... Mommy, get my dish... Can you pour the juice?... Mommy, I need a napkin..."  Instead she pulled her kitchen stand over to the cupboard, found a bowl and a cup, put them on her shelf near the floor, poured a bowl of cereal, opened the refrigerator and filled both bowl and cup with milk, got a spoon from the drawer and walked outside to enjoy her meal in the garden.

I watched her silently dumbfounded through the entire process.  She didn't even look at me!

It was life changing.

the people have legs

Since part of what I do here in blogland is just keep a record of my lovely daughter as she does what she does and grows and changes each day, sometimes I like to record what's happening in her art.  Oddly, she's not in the past gotten very excited about drawing or painting.  I say oddly because I have presented an active opportunity for these things nearly every day since she was quite young and there are passive permanent areas in our home where she can color and draw any time she'd like.  Until a few moths ago, she mostly hadn't.

We did recently move the playroom and this new space has a kind of built-in desk where, right next to her chalk board, we set up her crayons and an array of papers and colored pencils in a more organized and inviting way.  Since then, she has embraced chalk drawing and coloring more frequently.  I don't know if I'd label her an art enthusiast just yet but I'd say we're moving in that direction.  Where she used to tire of these sorts of activities in less than three minutes, now she enters into them in her free play time and will sit with crayon or chalk for sometimes ten or twenty minutes before she excitedly comes to share her latest masterpiece.

What I never have done much of is instruct.  I draw and paint alongside her but I don't mandate or advise her on her work.  I also try to generally stay away from coloring books and pre-made pictures.  From the beginning, it has been fascinating to me just to see what she'll do on her own; for her to explore color and form from her own hand, through her own movement, thought and imagination. 

Likely these pictures she draws are of little interest to anyone but me.  (Although maybe one day some psychologist will infer interesting insights about her childhood experience through them.  Yeah..., probably not.) 

(This one is the three of us, grape vines, a house and fallen fruit.)

Anyhow, recently in her figure drawings, The People Have Legs.  This one is Naiya and her daddy.  (They used to look like this.)  It's new and I don't know what this really means developmentally.  There's probably a book out there somewhere that explains exactly what is happening in the child's consciousness, development and perception of the world when this remarkable transition takes place.  Who am I kidding?  There are probably several such books.

To me it's just enchanting and I'm endlessly intrigued by what her little hands, heart and mind produce.

toy library

Despite all of our best efforts to keep the stuff in our house to a minimum, we have acquired, over the years, a grand collection of toys, books, hand made creations, stuffed animals and dolls and oodles and oodles of stones, pine cones, acorn caps and various other natural wonders as play things for our little girl.

A few months back I attended a talk by Kim John Payne on the ideas from his book Simplicity Parenting.  The basic premise of which is that in today's modern world our children are exposed to and overwhelmed by too much, too soon, too quickly and are given far too many choices.  We agree, just by nature of the lives we have chosen to live, with nearly everything he says about protecting the environment of our child so that she may slowly and naturally become herself.  Kim's four key principles for simplifying are basically 1) Reduce the volume of toys, books and clutter (as well as general environmental sensory overload in the form of light and sound) in the child's environment  2) Establish rhythm to give children a consistent and predictable framework within which they can relax and feel at ease  3) Create intervals of calm and connection in the midst of chaos and doing and 4) Scale back on media and adult influence on children's play and consciousness.

At some point when Kim was describing his approach to the first and most elementary step of reducing, he made mention of a Toy Library.  He didn't go into specifics but based on basic library principles I took all the toys and playthings I've been rotating in and out of boxes in our attic for years and placed them up there neatly on shelves instead.

Now, we're not excessive toy people.  I honestly feel that we've made concerted effort to not have much to begin with.  We have nearly gift-less birthdays and almost every holiday is based more on gathering and celebrating the love and presence of family and friends than on the exchange of material things, but I do love to make things and I think it's sweet that the grandparents just can't help themselves.  The playthings that are just too much to fill the few baskets we have and to put away every day are, for the most part, things we like (or at least one of us is emotionally attached to).  That's why we've kept them.  What a gift then, this Toy Library has been.

Using some bookshelves we recently acquired, we removed the toys, blocks, dolls and whatnot from boxes and instead displayed them much as they would be in a toy store.  (Luckily, we have plenty of space in our attic for this but I suppose one could use a closet or other location instead.)  We told Naiya about this new magical exhibition and when she saw it she was thrilled.  The rule from day one was that she could have any toy she wanted from the library at any time as long as she replaced it with something from the bounty of items already in use in our home.

On about the third day of Toy Library she did ask if it would be alright to exchange something of mine instead of something of hers but, although I was impressed with her crafty ingenuity, I quickly put the kibosh on that.  Since then she has embraced the exchange absolutely.  Our house maintains its number of play objects and Naiya's excitement over "new" things with which she can create and imagine her dozens of worlds and adventures is astonishing.

puppet shows and simple stories

Last week I was fortunate to have made it to a workshop with Suzanne Down from Juniper Tree School of Story and Puppetry Arts.  It was a very brief introduction to Waldorf style storytelling and a short session of needle felting three doll puppets with which to tell the Spring story of Little Brown Bulb.

What always strikes me about storytelling for very young children is the simplicity of it.  Like many people, I feel intimidated at the thought of making up or even re-telling stories I already know to any kind of audience, four-year-old or otherwise.  But, as Suzanne talked about that morning, the element of storytelling that young children most respond to is wonder.  They don't need elaborate plot lines or even interesting characters.  The effortless process of the world unfolding and revealing itself through one single simple event is story enough.  It's the attention, voice and presence of the teller that touches the child's heart.

The Brown Bulb story is one told holding the doll "puppets" with gentle hands on a stage of silk scarves on one's lap.  It begins with the Bulb sleeping deep within the cold earth of winter.  As the warm rays of Spring reach Bulb, and her friend Ladybug encourages her, Little Brown Bulb awakens and finds her way to a cave (in the folds of the silk) where Mother Earth dresses her in a lovely new gown.  She emerges from the silk transformed into a beautiful Spring flower and she and ladybug celebrate their love of the season together.

For many an adult, this seems hardly a story worth telling at all, but it's amazing how entranced Naiya is with the gentle movements, the tone of the special story-telling voice and the metamorphosis of the plain bulb into the rich and softly colorful flower. 

Often after I have told a new tale, my sweet girl gifts it back to me in her own way.  She'll introduce new characters and even add songs.  Sadly, although I get to hear the stories, I rarely get to see them as they usually take place entirely under a canopy of silk where she is the only witness.  I listen with rapt attention nonetheless and am as transfixed by her story as she was with mine.

 



Sometimes we move stories with more elaborate scenery out of our laps and down onto the floor.  When she re-tells these I have the pleasure of seeing the characters move about and, more often than not, the play goes on long after the puppet show has ended.

quiet time

As a part of our daily rhythm, every day after lunch Naiya has "quiet time".  It's a break as short as fifteen minutes or as long as an hour that we spend each gathering ourselves up apart from one another.  Most often, Naiya determines the length herself.  We instituted this break in our day when we realized (quite early on) that naps were never going to return to our home.  At first I think we hoped that she would use this time to, say, rest... even if there would be no actual sleep taking place.  Of course, that never happened.  Although I occasionally use the opportunity to get some rest myself, Naiya always spends her alone time playing, playing, playing.

Over the years, the aftermath of her playing in a room by herself has become more and more complex.  At first there would be a few dolls, perhaps some clothes and dishes set up for a tea party or various piles of random stones and pine cones set about to represent people or houses or roads.   Recently, however, the scenes are quite a bit more elaborate. 

It may look like chaos or a pile of junk but each item on the trunk was placed there very intentionally by delicate hands and a heart full of wonder.  The animals are wearing clothes of hairbands and are safe within their clothespin or silk houses.  Naiya tells me lunch has been served but the mail has yet to be delivered.

my super power

We've been discussing the commanding and bossy nature of the four-year-old.  Like our daughter, children of other friends of ours exert intense pressure upon their caregivers to constantly play with them in very precise and demanding ways.  In one recent conversation we were talking about strategies that both appease and fulfill the child's needs as well as allow our requirements for household demands and chores to be met.

Having a daily/weekly/seasonal and annual rhythm helps a great deal.  A familiar pattern in which children (and parents) know what to expect is comforting and helps children of all ages to thrive.  (I'll post about our own rhythm and its undeniable impact on our everyday well-being later.)  Even with patterns and a kind of "soft-schedule" in place though, challenges, of course, arise...

A specific demand often made in our house is that we sit and actively participate in some particular imaginative play for extended periods of time.  Our roles are often spelled out for us very precisely and sometimes even our dialogue is prescribed.  "Now you say..." she tells us...  "Now walk over there and..."

I usually find engaging in her play fascinating.  It's an expression of her inner world that I get to see come to life.  Also, sometimes I just love to play.  But I'm also the mother.  I take care of this wonderful child and I'm likewise a cook, a house cleaner, a launderer, a grocery shopper, a gardener, a payer of bills, a craft organizer, an activity planner and a wife to a hard-working husband.  I've got a few other things to do!  But lately, and this is the challenge so many seem to be having, Naiya will sometimes scream and cry when I attempt to extricate myself from what it is she wishes me to do.

Suggestions given in a recent discussion included 1) investing a really present 3 to 5 minutes with a child before then returning to necessary adult tasks (it's amazing how even a few moments of being really present will fill a child in a way that they can then play for longer stretches on their own) and 2) the idea of along-side play.  This means that while I, for example, wash dishes, Naiya plays at a similar task with a small bowl of soapy water and a bowl and a cup that she can wash herself.   Likewise she can do her own version of dusting as I dust, folding napkins as I fold laundry and so on.

These are both effective tools, especially the latter.  With it I accomplish a great deal and Naiya both embraces her "solitary" tandem play and learns the value of real work as a part of our household.  Sometimes, however, it doesn't seem to work at all.

Yesterday was one of those times.

I had dishes piled on every kitchen surface, crumbs all over the floor, colored rice in every nook of the great room and Naiya just wanted me to sit next to her and wash the one cup in her bowl of soapy water over and over and over.  She was on the verge of tears whenever I tried to leave her side.

This is when I introduced what has proven to be the most magical tool I have.  I have slipped this one from my bag of tricks over the years time and time again yet, surprisingly, I am stunned by its effect on each occasion.

I sang.

Yup.  That's my mommy superpower.
Let it be known.  Let it be spread across the land.
Singing transforms our world nearly every time.

And these are not clever songs I've memorized.  I don't have in my catalog a song for every occasion.  I just make them up on the spot.  Sometimes they're sweet and funny.  Sometimes they're completely absurd.  Occasionally they rhyme but mostly not.  Honestly, they're usually a little dumb.  And it doesn't matter.

Yesterday's went like this:

Here we go washing, washing, washing

Washing all our dishes

Here we go washing, washing, washing

Making dishes clean

Not at all magical, you say?  So it would seem.  But I sang it a few times while sitting next to Naiya until she joined in.  We washed that one cup together while singing the song, washing slowly, inside and out, with great care, and then I returned to my own sink.

I kept singing as I finished washing every dirty dish in the house.  She sang too, while she carefully and with glee washed her own cup and plate.  She even made up a few new verses.

There was no more crying.  We were fulfilled in our individual needs.  Separately playing but tethered together by the joy of a totally stupid song.

the sugar sprite

This year we heard from some friends about the Sugar Sprite!  Ah, what a dear little fairy this one is.  The Sugar Sprite feeds in Spring, Summer and early Autumn on all the nectar, honey and fruits she can find.  As the season turns colder and darker though, the flowers fade and fruits are scarce.  The Sugar Sprite has hardly enough to keep herself and her family nourished.  Luckily, she knows about how children on Hallowe'en collect more sweets than they can possibly eat.  If those little children leave a bag of candy on their doorstep the night after it is gathered (and after they have selected a few of the choicest morsels for themselves), the Sugar Sprite will gather it up and have enough to make it through the Winter until the flowers and fruits again blossom in the Spring.  In exchange for the kindness and generosity of the children who leave her such treasure, the Sugar Sprite leaves a small gift for them to find in the morning.

words I say and sign - VII

This will be the last recorded entry of Naiya's language development.  It's just expanding too quickly for me to take note at this point, and I can no longer recall what is new and what isn't.  Other than vocabulary, she's also begun to speak in the possessive.  The ball is "Naiya's" and the cup is "Mommy's".  At a year and eight months I think we can already safely say we're going to have quite a talker on our hands.

June, 2008
necklace, sticker, blue, donkey, pants, upside down, boots, wha's da' (what's that), wow, goose/geese, kitty cat, puppy dog, six, eight, Nikki, bluebird, Gus, Hank, Paul, Mat, pink, sun, banana, lock, basketball, bucket, potty, blanket, bacon and butter

words I say and sign - VI

For May, 2008 we've got a lot of word perfecting going on in Naiya's speech as well as some word combining.  I'm having a harder time writing down all the new words I hear her say.  Those I recorded were the following:

nut, light, car, truck, whered'i'go?, Slade, Tim, fox, out, one-two-three, paw, Naiya!, mittens and Dude (always referring to our cat Frodo) 

This last one is the result of me trying not to scold our badly behaved cat with more savage words when he pees on something.  "Dude!" once escaped in a harsh expletive-like tone and Naiya has called him Dude ever since.

words I say and sign - V

For the month of April, 2008 we've added the following to our vocabulary:

rock, Opa, cookie, glasses, egg, poop, moon, stars, keys, pocket, Oma, pee, knock, close, oopsadaisy, pine cone, pear, cat food, treat and monkey