Wednesday, January 2, 2013

jokes for five year olds - V

We've been collecting our ridiculous jokes for five year olds for over a year now.  These are (and always have been) my favorite kind.  I'll keep posting them as we come across them even though Naiya is now six.

The other day I was talking to the seventh grade teacher at our school and she was saying that most jokes folks tell nowadays are actually riddles.  This is true of all of those I've posted thus far.  But she was looking for jokes that were instead in story form; not question and answers but tales with a funny punch line at the end.  I sent her this one that is adapted from one of my recent favorite fantasy novel reads (Wise Man's Fear by Patrick Rothfuss).  It had Ryan and I rolling on the floor when we first came across it and Naiya likes me to re-tell it for all her friends.  (Specific references to places and characters in the story have been removed.)  Enjoy...

    Once upon a time there was a little boy born in a little town.  He was perfect, or so his mother thought.  But one thing was different about him. He had a gold screw in his belly button.  Just the head of it peeping out. 

    Now his mother was simply glad he had all his fingers and toes to count with.  But as the boy grew up he realized not everyone had screws in their belly buttons, let alone gold ones.  He asked his mother what it was for, but she didn't know.  Next he asked his father, but his father didn't know.  He asked his grandparents, but they didn't know either.

    That settled it for a while, but it kept nagging him.  Finally, when he was old enough, he packed a bag and set out, hoping he could find someone who knew the truth of it.

    He went from place to place, asking everyone who claimed to know something about anything.  He asked midwives and physickers, but they couldn't make heads or tails of it.  The boy asked tinkers and old hermits living in the woods, but no one had ever seen anything like it.

    He went to ask the merchants, thinking if anyone would know about gold, it would be them.  But the merchants didn't know.  He went to the engineers at the university, thinking if anyone would know about screws and their workings, they would.  But the engineers didn't know.  The boy followed the road farther to ask the wise women in the hills, but none of them could give him an answer.

    Eventually, he went to the richest king in the world.  But the king didn't know.  He went to the Emperor, but even with all his power, the emperor didn't know.  He went to each of the small kingdoms, one by one, but no one could tell him anything.

    Finally, the boy went to the High King, the wisest of all the kings in the world.  The high king looked closely at the head of the golden screw peeping from the boy's belly button.  Then the high king made a gesture, and his seneschal brought out a pillow of golden silk.  On that pillow was a golden box.  The high king took a golden key from his neck, opened the box, and inside was a golden screwdriver.

    The high king took the screwdriver and motioned the boy to come closer.  Trembling with excitement, the boy did.  Then the high king took the golden screwdriver and put it in the boy's belly button.
   Then the high king carefully turned the golden screw.  
Once: Nothing.  
Twice: Nothing.  
Then he turned it the third time, and the boy's butt fell off.


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